"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine"

 i know we're all sorts of backasswards and wrong for each other in the long run. yet, i still find my thoughts going back to him when the silence becomes overwhelming.


it's slowly infiltrating everything else, and today was a big wake up call as to just how disconnected my head and my heart have become over the past few months. i *know* x, y, and z, but i don't *feel* them. it's strange, awkward, not me.  i keep trying to fuse the two, but it's not working, in fact, i seem to just get farther from myself as a result.


i keep waiting to wake up, get with it, for something to click. i know i don't want this life. so why, over a boy of all things, am i letting it get this ridiculously out of hand?